So your child is now a teenager. Self-esteem and peer pressure is about to reach an all time high; and brother do I mean an all-time-high.
It is imperative that any teenager cultivates extremely high self-esteem in today's society if they are going to survive. Sadly, some parent believe that there is nothing they can do to help improve their child's self-esteem. . . But they are wrong. They can help.
A parent should always offer reassurance to their youngsters; even when they are disappointed with the child's actions. First and foremost; explain to the child your disapproval of their action, if you truly do disapprove. Always, always complete your disapproval. . . with an affectionate hug. Be upfront with kids, tell them that you did stupid things when you were their age. Let them know that they are not alone in this dog-eat-dog world. This is all new to them, and they think that 'we' (the parents) are perfect. They do not realize until many, many years later that they are walking in our footsteps. They think we were born '.s..oles'; just as we remember, we thought the same of our parents. Now didn't you?
One of the best ways to help a child gain and attain self-esteem is to give them their very own check book.
Boy can't you just imagine their pride when they can walk up to the counter in the witness of their peers; then whip out the old checkbook, and begin to write.
Bingo, parents, you just hit the jackpot; not only with your kid, but all of the adolescent hierarchy bystanders. Eyes pop... and your kid can now flaunt his prominence. Albeit; you and your kid know the real truth.
Now this is my suggestion. You can build your child's stature in society while helping to gain a head start on maturity, and responsibility.
Take your child with you when you go to your bank. Have your child's name added to your checking account. Of course, you do this only after you have put into place considerable preparations.
When you and you child does go the bank; you will tell the bank officer that you want your child to have his very own check book. A check book with only your child's name, address, and telephone number on the checks using your personal checking account. In other words, your child's name, and signature will be added to you personal checking account. However; the child's name will be on his checks only.
It is VERY IMPORTANT to NEVER have personal information such as: Driver license number, social security number, age, or any pertinent information that could be used to fraudulently attain personal knowledge of the check book owner's personal business; now, or in the future. More importantly; be sure that your child understands the importance of this decision. Stress the need to keep this sort of information 100% private and secure.
Parents. . . This is your moment... This is your golden opportunity... Prepare yourself... And I do mean prepare...............
Prepare for this moment. . . Prepare for days, weeks, or even months in advance. What am I preparing for? You ask. Well pay close attention to what I am about to say to you. Then with your little mental book of golden rules in your, and yours only, mental precession, affectionately log these suggestions safely away into your brain's secret safe. Let that information collect affectionate dust in that brain safe. Leave it there until your child has grown up and, maybe, has children of their own.. Then, and only then, you can unlock your brain's secret safe and reveal your confidential.
Now... Let me explain why this is a golden opportunity:
Your are perched up-on your royal thorn in front of God himself, the bank officer. Yeah, in the eyes of a teenager, a bank officer ranks the highest of all, even higher than the president of the United States of America. You, parents, are just a little low life, compared to that bank officer. If you are about to disagree with me; then you need to put yourself in the mind of your teenager for just a moment. Then you will know your status.
On the other hand, maybe you should just take my word that you rank below a bank officer.
Now it is time for you to adjust your halo and fluff your wings, because you are about to make one of the most important steps in your child's life. And, I do mean the MOST Important STEP.
As you are now sitting there in the presence of your teenager, that person that believes that you do not even know that they exist, or they are even alive. Now. . . You address the bank officer, state your child's name clearly, and begin your praise, reflecting to your memorized speech. Lie about it, if it will help! But, what ever you do, make your comments believable, even to yourself. But, most of all, make them believable to your child. Because just at that particular moment, your child is the only person that matters. . . today, tomorrow, and forever. This is you chance to send that impression to the heart, the sole, and the mind of your child.
It would be a good gesture to touch your child's hand, shoulder, knee, or just make true eye contact with that monster, know as a teenager, that is perched next to you. No matter the gesture just make it real, make it stick, make it believable to your child, because you may never again have such a golden moment to capitalize on your golden opportunity. So make the best of it... Be 100% prepared.
Now, at this time, you say something of this sort. As you proudly nod to your child, and speak the child's name with the authority of a parent, express your pride, [again, even if you have to tell a little lie] say to the bank officer what a great, responsible, and brilliant kid that the officer now is privileged to assist.
You will say something to this effect; "Bank Officer's name, it is so kind of you to take the time to assist (child's name) and me. (Child's name) will be needing money real often during middle school, high school, and college educational years. It is so important that 'a track record' of expenses be kept up to date, that the money is always accounted for, and that it is kept-up within a recorded document. (child's name) and I have discussed the seriousness of this matter. {This comment is based on the truth, of course} (Child' name) knows the seriousness of maintaining an accurate check book balance. (Child's name) understands that checks cannot be written unless there is money available in the checking account. Therefore; we have designed a system that will work well for the both of us."
{I will explain that later in this article.}
At this particular time when you say your child's name, you need to make eye contact with your teenager; it is really vital at this point; as you continue to speak: "(as you say child's name), we have gone over this so that you (your child) totally understands the undeniable importance of accurate book keeping skills, and up-to-date balance of a personal check book account. So now, (child's name) if you have any questions or comments for me or for the bank officer you need to speak-up. Let us answer any questions, concerns, or doubts that you have on your mind."
The above paragraph should be... No, no.. It must be discussed with your child before going to the bank. Make certain your child understands this. Do NOT preach.. Be your child's friend during this process.
And, be very certain that your child knows how to POST, or log-in an entry in a check book ledger as soon as the check has been written. Impress on your child that he or she documents the exact amount of the written check as well as the exact name for which the check was written. Also, It is always a good idea for record purposes: to document the due date, the paid date, and the reason for writing the check.
Checks that will be legally recognized by the banking system. Checks that will clear as having sufficient funds when it is run through the bank account. Checks that have been written on an account that does have sufficient funds.
Never... Never.....Never Preprint Driver License # or Birth Date; this should only be written in at check out counter. At which time the writer will be ask to show an ID, such as a Driver's License, and in many cases a current credit card or some sort of second identification. This is for the safety of the check owner; as well as the payee.
Now you will need to set up some sort of system for your child to be able to write checks.
This is my suggestion:
Sit down with your child and figure out how much money that will be needed to adequately cover all of the child's needs for one week, or one month. Now, in your ledger where you would post the checks that you have written. You will write your child's name in the ledger as if you had written a check to your child. Using the total of your child's needs for the forthcoming time span; post that figure in your ( the parent') ledger.
Now, have you child to post that same amount in their check book as if they had made a deposit into the bank.
Note* You must document this transaction in this order, because your child is going to be writing checks that will be drawn on your checking account. But to the child's peers, it looks as if you child has his very own checking account with a check book for that account.
Yet again, I need to stress the importance of fully understanding this process, and that you make certain your child fully understands what your are doing.
For example.... Say your child will need and average of $43.00 weekly. {Whow am I optimistic} This amount would cover:
EXAMPLES such as: School supplies School lunch Service group DUES Sports expenses Band Club expenses Art club expenses Vehicle expenses (normal expense such as gas, insurance, or car payment) Plus standard allowance
Therefore; you would write $50.00 in your ledger. Your child writes a deposit of $50.00 that has been deposited into your child's check book account.
Now your child will write checks in a normal format. Your child will deduct the amount of the checks that he has written for school lunches from the $50.00 deposit. You child will treat each transactions in this manner, just as he would a normal checking account. When the child's check book balance nears $5.00. The child needs to inform you of the low balance. You will again log-in another $50.00 into your ledger. Your child will post another $50.00 deposit into his check book. At this time he will add the $50.00 deposit. Then add that amount to his $5.00 balance. Now your child has a new check book balance of $55.00. It is now okay for your child to begin to write checks on that $55.00 balance.
Parents, it would be advisable for you to set up some guideline that you child will need to adhere to. Make certain your child understands the consequences of over draft checks.
Remember... You must have the available funds in your checking account before you make a posting in your ledger. Because YOU are the RESPONSIBLE PARTY. Always complete your check book audits with a compliment as to the excellent job your child is doing with the new responsibility.{Only if is true, of course.} And this is a perfect opportunity to take advantage of a 'big hug'. You do not get a hug very often from a teenager.
It is advisable that you audit your child's check book about once a month. More often until you are confident that the child understands the system.
This opportunity builds a positive relationship between parent and teenager. It builds a one on one relationship. It builds a child's self-esteem. It instills into your child the importance of good book keeping. It helps to build your child's management skills. It helps to build your child's responsibility. It will take a tremendous load off you. And 'Best of All' You can gain a new lifetime friend.
I know this works.. Because I used this system for my teenagers.
And I, also, stressed to my teenagers. "If you are in a group, or are with another peer, and they want to do something that you know is wrong. . . It is sometime awkward to admit that you do not want to get involved. Perhaps you need to save face. What ever the reason. . . Don't risk the chance of making your friends angry with you.
Just say to them that you had better not because your Mom is a b-*-h, she will ground me for a month. Or whatever it takes... just blame it on me, Mom. {parent}
Remember, I do not have to face you peers tomorrow; but you do.
It is wrong to tell a lie. . . But, sometimes it is necessary. So long as your lie does not harm someone else... it is okay if it is told to achieve worthy, respectful outcome."
Good luck, and Best Wishes for your teenager and you.
Thank you for taking the time to read my articles.
Sincerely
Hazel Auldridge
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